December 4- part 1- the beach

Thursday was beach day. We got up, hung out a while, got ready and went to the beach. Odette rode in my lap. Once we were at the beach Odette spent most of the time doing her own thing and playing with the other girls and then sat in my lap as she at her lunch. After lunch she went and sat with Malange but when we were getting ready to go she wanted to sit in my lap. So we sat, and that was good. Once it was time to get on the truck she was dragging me towards the truck. When we climbed on the truck it was full & Brian asked me & Kurt if one of us would ride on top and I said "no pwoblem" (it is what is you say in Haiti), but Kurt told me "no you ride with Odette, I'll ride on top" and I didn't argue. We left to head back to the orphanage and not long after getting on the road I started thinking about leaving Odette and going home. How could I leave my daughter?? I began to sing a quiet prayer over her as she slept. The words and melody came and I voiced them quietly on the loud truck ride. I became engulfed in feelings and emotions about my little girl and I couldn't keep it in. I didn't want to make the truck ride back for everyone a bummer by crying the whole way back so I did everything I could to keep it in but the tears and the shoulder rolls were hard to hide. The miserable truck ride helped erase the pain of my heart. I AM LEAVING MY DAUGHTER HERE! The ride was the shortest it has ever been. Odette slept most of the way and didn't know that I was crying until we turned on the road to the orphanage. IT WAS TOO MUCH!!! It had finally caught up to me. We were "home" and I pulled it together. We went inside and I went to the roof for a roof top shower. Cold water will do wonders for you to help you clear your head.