For those of you who check our blog often for updates I am sorry for the delay in writing. As much as I know that I needed to sit down and write about my trip before I forget all the details I just couldn't make myself do it. The first week back was busy at our house but after that I have just been in a really tough place where I couldn't let myself sit and think too much about Odette and the other girls because I was afraid I would fall apart each day. It was such an incredible week but I think it has made the waiting and just my daily thoughts of her even harder. But I realized today as I read another adoption blog that I follow that I can't live in that place of numbness anymore because I am scared of hurting. Here is what she wrote - "but as of today my heart is more fully engaged and joyful with anticipation than it has ever been because I get to enjoy our journey to you from this point forward with no fear and no more numbness. I have permission from my Father to enjoy, wonder, and fully feel the emotion of this journey. I know there may be disappointment, but today I realized I would rather feel the joy and risk the disappointment than be without any joy at all. If it takes feeling disappointment to get to you, then I will pay that price. You are worth all the emotion if that's what it takes. And I want to fully celebrate the work God is doing to bring you to us."
So that is where I am today, tired of walking around scared & now just wanting to embrace the journey of the day whether that be through tears when I am hurting so much missing those girls or through laughter as I think back to all the fun times we had that week.