Thursday, March 5, 2009

Where I am today. . .

For those of you who check our blog often for updates I am sorry for the delay in writing. As much as I know that I needed to sit down and write about my trip before I forget all the details I just couldn't make myself do it. The first week back was busy at our house but after that I have just been in a really tough place where I couldn't let myself sit and think too much about Odette and the other girls because I was afraid I would fall apart each day. It was such an incredible week but I think it has made the waiting and just my daily thoughts of her even harder. But I realized today as I read another adoption blog that I follow that I can't live in that place of numbness anymore because I am scared of hurting. Here is what she wrote - "but as of today my heart is more fully engaged and joyful with anticipation than it has ever been because I get to enjoy our journey to you from this point forward with no fear and no more numbness. I have permission from my Father to enjoy, wonder, and fully feel the emotion of this journey. I know there may be disappointment, but today I realized I would rather feel the joy and risk the disappointment than be without any joy at all. If it takes feeling disappointment to get to you, then I will pay that price. You are worth all the emotion if that's what it takes. And I want to fully celebrate the work God is doing to bring you to us."
So that is where I am today, tired of walking around scared & now just wanting to embrace the journey of the day whether that be through tears when I am hurting so much missing those girls or through laughter as I think back to all the fun times we had that week.

1 comment:

  1. Allyson, I've been watching everyday for your update. I'm glad you are now able to post. I'm praying that the time goes by quickly and Odette is finally here with you. Hang in there.